Season 5 Episode 3
Photo: Steve Wilkie/Pop
With everyone else on Schitt’s Creek happily paired off, it seems only fair that Stevie gets a little romance this season. Sure, the whole “roadside travel blogger meets motel employee plant trying to win a good review” isn’t the typical meet-cute, but if this thing works out, what a story! And here’s hoping it does work out, because Amir is very cute and Stevie deserves someone both nice and not into throuples.
Amir, who reviews places “off the beaten path” for his blog the Road Less Traveled, arrives at the Rosebud Motel thanks to Alexis, who has secured this V.V.I.P. in order to get some publicity for her first (and only) client. It’s Johnny who suggests they have someone act as a “plant” to talk up the place — a tactic he used for Rose Video all the time. There isn’t an abundance of actors in Schitt’s Creek, and they certainly aren’t going to let Roland do it, so the job goes to Stevie. Alexis thinks she’s perfect for it since she definitely looks “like someone who just wandered in off the road.” It turns out Stevie’s awful at this job.
Upon his arrival, Amir is greeted warmly — maybe too warmly — by Alexis, Johnny, and Guest Services Liaison Roland (the ‘d’ is now silent, as is befitting a man in his position). Alexis is laying it on thick; her fake giggles at Amir’s jokes alone should win awards. Soon enough, they bump into current “guest” Miss Felmington coming out of her “room,” and Stevie takes it from there. Almost immediately, Stevie and Amir start flirting. Has Stevie ever smiled this much? Has she ever been so smitten in all her life? It is a true delight. I mean sure, there’s the pesky matter of her completely lying about her identity, but other than that this really seems like a potential match for our sarcastic motelier.
She must think so, too. Before long she’s asking Johnny for 40 bucks so she and Amir can go out to lunch. Johnny’s hesitant to put Stevie in an uncomfortable situation — has the Plant Scenario gone too far? — but Stevie, very clearly, is into this.
As more flirting over giant menus takes place at the cafe, Stevie begins to crack. Amir laments over not always knowing what’s genuine and what’s a show when he does some of his reviews, and Stevie can’t help but tell him the whole truth before they even put in an order. Guess what? Amir doesn’t mind so much. He’s happy for the company. He calls her beautiful (in a cute, not creepy way). They keep up the Miss Felmington ruse for the folks back at the motel, but Amir is quick to write up his review (he deems the Rosebud a “must-stay”) so he can take Stevie out for dinner with a clear conscience. Fingers crossed Amir doesn’t turn out to be a weirdo or something because Stevie Budd deserves good things.
In other relationship news, Patrick renting a room from Ray Butani is starting to become a problem for him and David. The couple’s morning snuggle sesh is repeatedly interrupted by Ray, who’s the type who says “knock-knock” while opening the door without actually knocking. Sure, he only wants to make them breakfast (David is annoyed but will take four pancakes, please), but once he points out that he saw David walking from the bedroom to the bathroom and that his body is totally fine, the boys decide something needs to be done. “I think it’s time we look for an apartment,” Patrick announces. Almost immediately, you can tell Patrick is using “we” in a sort of “royal we” way, but the meaning of Patrick’s sentence flies completely over David’s head and he automatically assumes Patrick just asked him to move in together.
You guys, David is adorably both terrified and elated at the prospect of living with a boyfriend. He tries to downplay the big news by telling his sister that they are “just going to look.” But Alexis knows all about “just.” Like she and Adam Levine “just went for bubble tea.”
Similar to last week with Moira’s letters, you can see the resolution of this story line coming, and yet still, I would watch David Rose touring apartments for hours. The judging! The disgust! That look he gives when Ray shows him one tiny closet closed off with a curtain! It’s a beautiful thing to behold and I hope they make a web series out of it.
Patrick figures out the misunderstanding and sets things straight — he meant that he was looking for his own apartment. The great thing about this relationship, and this show, really, is that they don’t let this become a thing at all; the misunderstanding is turned into a positive. It doesn’t spark a fight, David and Patrick don’t break up over it. In fact, the idea that David almost feels ready to live with Patrick only makes their relationship stronger. These guys are cute about the whole thing and sometimes it’s just nice to watch people be nice to each other. I mean, David would probably burn the place to the ground rather than ever live in the apartment Patrick chooses, but he agrees it is totally fine for his boyfriend. I believe the kids might deem this relationship goals?
Who knew a place called Schitt’s Creek would turn out to be the best place on the planet to fall and stay in love?
• After stealing the first two episodes of the season, Moira gets a smaller story line. It’s all about Jocelyn having a tough time postpartum and no one noticing, until she finally tells off those B Words in the Jazzagals. Jennifer Robertson and Catherine O’Hara tag-teaming Jocelyn’s anger-induced breakdown in front of the group is, quite simply, glorious. Jocelyn remains my favorite supporting character.
• As great as all of that was, all I really wanted from the Jazzagals story line was to hear the Nine Inch Nails medley they were working on for their concert at Yarn for Cheap. I know they already changed the lyric to “I want to kiss you like an animal” (which Ronnie will not adhere to), but let us hear the whole leather/pleather-clad thing.
• Jocelyn’s exit from the cafe once her baby starts crying is perfection: “These days either he’s crying or I am.”
• Dear interwebs, please bless us with a montage of Moira Rose saying “bebe.” We need it.
• I love how torn Ray is as he shows Patrick an apartment: He’d be losing a roommate, but gaining a commission. Such is the life of Ray Butani.
• Amir’s “must-stay” review calls the Rosebud Motel “a welcome pit stop for anyone looking for a clean room and first-rate hospitality.” David’s response: “Compared to what, a haunted house?”
• Alexis doesn’t want David around while Amir is staying at the motel because his “vibe can be a bit intense.”
• In some personal news, I’m still laughing at Daniel Levy’s line reading of “How are we still on this fucking tour?”
• “Oh, if I’ve died again, I swear to god!”